The best revenge is premature balding
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just found puke in my bra..
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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