I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
