ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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