so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
