Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
