I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
