I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
