The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
