he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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