so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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