I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I smell like Dick and happiness
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