my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
