last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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