I just threw up on my dentist
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
