Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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