I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
