Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
so let's talk penis.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
