i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
