He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
