I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
