the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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