I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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