new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
