Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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