so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
