I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
