Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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