I'm going to jail i love you
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
