You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
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