I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Randomize
