oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
