I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
