Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(732): View more from New Jersey

soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.

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(732): soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm. http://tfl.nu/dqxm

Replies (12) Good night (4487) Bad night (906)
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(910): View more from North Carolina

Just got walked in on during safety inspections

(828): View more from North Carolina

Think you passed?

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(910): Just got walked in on during safety inspections (828): Think you passed? http://tfl.nu/r9km

Replies (20) Good night (3871) Bad night (1155)
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(847): View more from Illinois

I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.

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(847): I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note. http://tfl.nu/4rpl

Replies (47) Good night (14304) Bad night (1570)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.

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(508): My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that. http://tfl.nu/cfj7

Replies (7) Good night (3506) Bad night (1233)
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(305): View more from Florida

its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face

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(305): its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face http://tfl.nu/dxi4

Replies (23) Good night (3802) Bad night (1843)
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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.

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(321): I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one. http://tfl.nu/vil5

Replies (15) Good night (6084) Bad night (1532)
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(678): View more from Georgia

Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand

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(678): Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand http://tfl.nu/u3cn

Replies (5) Good night (963) Bad night (2449)
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(774): View more from Massachusetts

I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.

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(774): I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you. http://tfl.nu/ievp

Replies (8) Good night (2054) Bad night (780)
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(706): View more from Georgia

I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.

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(706): I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat. http://tfl.nu/8z1a

Replies (30) Good night (748) Bad night (6135)
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(513): View more from Ohio

Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.

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(513): Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night. http://tfl.nu/vga8

Replies (8) Good night (2387) Bad night (726)
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(706): View more from Georgia

I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...

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(706): I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up... http://tfl.nu/4p4z

Replies (8) Good night (1589) Bad night (542)
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(219): View more from Indiana

"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."

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(219): "I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance." http://tfl.nu/fhmo

Replies (6) Good night (863) Bad night (452)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho

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(978): I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho http://tfl.nu/p9zq

Replies (4) Good night (430) Bad night (451)
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(407): View more from Florida

so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing

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(407): so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing http://tfl.nu/s8vo

Replies (2) Good night (321) Bad night (503)
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(804): View more from Virginia

He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day

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(804): He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day http://tfl.nu/tx1z

Replies (1) Good night (484) Bad night (255)

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