Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(619): View more from California

dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face

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(619): dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face http://tfl.nu/4ulx

Replies (24) Good night (826) Bad night (2468)
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(248): View more from Michigan

My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.

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(248): My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla. http://tfl.nu/zjhc

Replies (5) Good night (608) Bad night (2600)
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(513): View more from Ohio

I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.

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(513): I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear. http://tfl.nu/d8gq

Replies (31) Good night (980) Bad night (11368)
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(214): View more from Texas

i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"

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(214): i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat" http://tfl.nu/yhqk

Replies (30) Good night (4958) Bad night (974)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?

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(508): member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games? http://tfl.nu/dghf

Replies (21) Good night (1539) Bad night (3093)
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(301): View more from Maryland

There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself

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(301): There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself http://tfl.nu/388v

Replies (50) Good night (772) Bad night (5513)
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(302): View more from Delaware

It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.

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(302): It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it. http://tfl.nu/3oo8

Replies (17) Good night (816) Bad night (5813)
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(785): View more from Kansas

Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.

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(785): Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father. http://tfl.nu/ibri

Replies (21) Good night (2628) Bad night (5497)
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(206): View more from Washington

He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.

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(206): He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants. http://tfl.nu/v3dq

Replies (51) Good night (8737) Bad night (1281)
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(404): View more from Georgia

It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.

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(404): It's a bathroom floor kind of morning. http://tfl.nu/13m7

Replies (5) Good night (2305) Bad night (1104)
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(815): View more from Illinois

Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.

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(815): Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night. http://tfl.nu/jyfi

Replies (10) Good night (1510) Bad night (847)
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(214): View more from Texas

I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.

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(214): I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS. http://tfl.nu/qjb8

Replies (3) Good night (1170) Bad night (555)
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(214): View more from Texas

I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay

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(214): I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay http://tfl.nu/b2gf

Replies (2) Good night (418) Bad night (718)
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(516): View more from New York

So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.

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(516): So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two. http://tfl.nu/ti8k

Replies (1) Good night (415) Bad night (302)
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(909): View more from California

I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.

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(909): I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day. http://tfl.nu/6mst

Replies (1) Good night (500) Bad night (240)

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