I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."