I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.