Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.