i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
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Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
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It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.