I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.