Texts From Last Night

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  (818): View more from California

  dude, i look like john mccains neck right now

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  (818): dude, i look like john mccains neck right now http://tfl.nu/y0kt
  Replies (5) Good night (630) Bad night (1346)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Sorry, I don't speak sober.

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  (613): Sorry, I don't speak sober. http://tfl.nu/dwuu
  Replies (8) Good night (4281) Bad night (723)
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  (518): View more from New York

  i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.

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  (518): i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good. http://tfl.nu/b46x
  Replies (44) Good night (10160) Bad night (778)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home

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  (918): I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home http://tfl.nu/0qps
  Replies (16) Good night (984) Bad night (4239)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.

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  (817): My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso. http://tfl.nu/obr6
  Replies (11) Good night (1222) Bad night (5672)
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  (786): View more from Florida

  I miss vodka workout Fridays

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  (786): I miss vodka workout Fridays http://tfl.nu/gp5l
  Replies (5) Good night (2954) Bad night (1052)
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  (212): View more from New York

  So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober

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  (212): So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober http://tfl.nu/1m5a
  Replies (6) Good night (3146) Bad night (939)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.

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  (270): Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer. http://tfl.nu/zy1n
  Replies (5) Good night (1623) Bad night (1330)
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  (347): View more from New York

  When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards

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  (347): When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards http://tfl.nu/auk4
  Replies (10) Good night (1545) Bad night (824)
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  (845): View more from New York

  I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.

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  (845): I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet. http://tfl.nu/5hoi
  Replies (4) Good night (928) Bad night (851)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.

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  (+44): Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking. http://tfl.nu/zbnj
  Replies (6) Good night (1160) Bad night (912)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.

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  (+61): You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you. http://tfl.nu/171s
  Replies (6) Good night (1301) Bad night (380)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.

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  (602): After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me. http://tfl.nu/5z6y
  Replies (2) Good night (805) Bad night (288)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions

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  (412): I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions http://tfl.nu/fhlj
  Replies (1) Good night (624) Bad night (276)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face

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  (303): I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face http://tfl.nu/o8jb
  Replies (0) Good night (530) Bad night (257)

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