Texts From Last Night

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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I think my fart just growled at me.

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  (203): I think my fart just growled at me. http://tfl.nu/gjsq
  Replies (7) Good night (1142) Bad night (2249)
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  (909): View more from California

  I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.

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  (909): I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice. http://tfl.nu/z7v3
  Replies (14) Good night (4638) Bad night (668)
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  (909): View more from California

  how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?

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  (909): how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close? http://tfl.nu/7d45
  Replies (33) Good night (582) Bad night (4119)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.

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  (864): he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs. http://tfl.nu/m2cw
  Replies (10) Good night (5051) Bad night (634)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?

  (305): View more from Florida

  Its worth a shot.

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  (918): Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits? (305): Its worth a shot. http://tfl.nu/0784
  Replies (9) Good night (1306) Bad night (2754)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.

  (1-631): View more from New York

  I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.

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  (631): I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified. (1-631): I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes. http://tfl.nu/l5ui
  Replies (50) Good night (7308) Bad night (1952)
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  (516): View more from New York

  I understand why you refuse to be sober now

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  (516): I understand why you refuse to be sober now http://tfl.nu/j30b
  Replies (8) Good night (4857) Bad night (1031)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!

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  (281): FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed! http://tfl.nu/axg9
  Replies (16) Good night (1194) Bad night (5014)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.

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  (908): So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all. http://tfl.nu/ms6m
  Replies (3) Good night (4518) Bad night (841)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns

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  (978): I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns http://tfl.nu/xc39
  Replies (10) Good night (5161) Bad night (1874)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink

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  (630): Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink http://tfl.nu/oigr
  Replies (19) Good night (4047) Bad night (1122)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.

  (516): View more from New York

  By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.

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  (516): 1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model. (516): By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method. http://tfl.nu/fz41
  Replies (28) Good night (2501) Bad night (867)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love

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  (201): for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love http://tfl.nu/brad
  Replies (10) Good night (3613) Bad night (641)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.

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  (604): We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex. http://tfl.nu/otis
  Replies (4) Good night (603) Bad night (1124)
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"

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  (229): He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets" http://tfl.nu/6jbp
  Replies (2) Good night (1243) Bad night (497)

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