Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
