dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Randomize
