i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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