Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
