I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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