You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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