Who wears a wallet chain?!
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
