Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
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there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
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Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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