aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
