that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
be right there i have to get my cape
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
