somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
