Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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