Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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