I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
