covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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