You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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