Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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