no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Blood and glitter go together right?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
