just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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