Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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