How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
