and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Send help, water and tortillas.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
