He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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