In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
