a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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