I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
