is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
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THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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