Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
