i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So vagazzling was a success
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
