Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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