Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
