I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
