It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
