Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
